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It can be really difficult to know how to set healthy boundaries in a relationship. Whether you’re just starting out or you’ve been together for quite some time, there will always be moments when it feels like your partner is pushing you away. Whereas other times, they seem to want nothing more than to have you all to yourself.These changes are hard because boundaries often make us feel vulnerable and insecure about the future of our relationships. They also feel like such an extreme step that we can only take after everything has fallen apart at our home. However, if you don’t set boundaries with your partner now, chances are things will only get worse down the road. That being said, setting healthy boundaries in a relationship isn’t as difficult as it seems. By taking small steps and following some basic boundaries principles with your partner, you can change your relationship from one that revolves around giving each other space and time alone into one that thrives on giving each other space and time alone. Read on for more information on how to set healthy boundaries in a relationship…
What are healthy boundaries in a relationship?
Setting healthy boundaries in a relationship isn’t really about saying “no” to your partner or limiting their autonomy. Healthy boundaries are about protecting your emotional and physical well-being while respecting the time, space, and autonomy of your partner.There are many different types of boundaries that you can set with your partner. Some of the most important boundaries to set are: – Physical boundaries – These are the things that you can’t do in the bedroom (e.g. you can’t have anal sex, you can’t be spanked, and so on).- Emotional boundaries – These are the things that you can’t do to your partner emotionally (e.g. you can’t yell, you can’t put them down, and so on).- Limits on autonomy – This is when you say “no” to a request from your partner that compromises your autonomy (e.g. asking you to give up your career for them, asking you to take care of their kids, and so on).
How to Set Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship
– Find out what makes your partner happy and sad – This is the most important part of setting healthy boundaries in a relationship. And the key to doing this is by finding out what makes your partner tick. Approach your partner with curiosity and ask them what it is that makes them happy, sad, excited, and so on. Once you know what makes your partner tick, you can get a better sense of what boundaries they need to feel respected and cared for while still having their autonomy.- Be clear about your needs and boundaries – This is what most couples tend to struggle with. It’s important that you are clear with your partner about your needs and boundaries so that they know what to expect from you. Having clarity with your partner will also make it easier to negotiate with them because you’ll both be on the same page.- Communicate your feelings – Being able to communicate your feelings with your partner will greatly improve your ability to set healthy boundaries. Feeling rejected or misunderstood will leave you feeling confused and upset, neither of which is conducive to establishing healthy boundaries. Stay honest with yourself and with your partner by actively communicating your feelings.
Why It’s Important to Set Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship
– Healthy relationships require give and take – It’s unrealistic for one partner to sacrifice their own autonomy for another. That being said, healthy relationships do require give and take. It’s important that both partners feel respected and cared for while still feeling autonomous. It’s only when both partners feel respected and cared for that they’ll be more likely to compromise their autonomy for the other.- Healthy relationships are built on trust – Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. And trust can only be built when both partners feel respected and have their autonomy protected.
Finding the right time and place for setting boundaries
When setting healthy boundaries, it’s important to find the right time and place to set them. It’s not healthy to set boundaries in the heat of the moment or while under pressure. While it’s also not ideal to set boundaries during arguments, it is important to find a quiet time to set them.It’s also important to set healthy boundaries in the right place. Setting boundaries at work or in your home won’t make sense for your partner. Setting boundaries outside of your home or work will make it easier for your partner to respect them.
Ways you say “no” without meaning to
– Withholding your consent – When you withhold your consent, it’s not really a “no” it’s more of a “not yet”. For example, if your partner calls you at work, you don’t have to answer the phone.- Withholding praise or attention – Many times, we will withhold praise or attention from our partner because we don’t feel deserving of it. It’s important to practice accepting praise and attention from your partner because it will help you build trust with them.- Making them feel bad for asking – When someone asks your partner for something and they say “no”, they aren’t really saying “no”. They are saying “not yet”. It’s important to let your partner know that they aren’t bad and that they can ask for things at a later time.
Ways you say “yes” without meaning to
– Giving into inappropriate requests – It’s important to set boundaries with your partner on things that don’t compromise your autonomy. For example, asking your partner to give up their career for you doesn’t deserve a “yes”.- Being too nice – Asking your partner “should I say something nice?” is a red flag that you’re asking too much of your partner. It’s important to practice self-love and self-care.- Accepting things that don’t matter – Being too nice and accepting things that don’t matter will make it harder for your partner to respect you. For example, accepting your partner’s friends and family without asking them to respect you back.
Conclusion
It can be really difficult to know how to set healthy boundaries in a relationship. Whether you’re just starting out or you’ve been together for quite some time, there will always be moments when it feels like your partner is pushing you away. Whereas other times, they seem to want nothing more than to have you all to themselves. These changes are hard because boundaries often make us feel vulnerable and insecure about the future of our relationships. They also feel like such an extreme step that we can only take after everything has fallen apart at our home. However, if you don’t set boundaries with your partner now, chances are things will only get worse down the road.